they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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