Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
