well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
