Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
