Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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