you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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