and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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