too bad you live with your parents still
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
3pm strippers are depressing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
