Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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