What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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