They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
