oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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