my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
