I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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