i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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