i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
