that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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