My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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