god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
