No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
