Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
