he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
