Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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