At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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