after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
