Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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