Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
