you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
