Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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