if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
