I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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