I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
