Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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