He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
