I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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