Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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