All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize