Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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