please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
