i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
