I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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