she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
