Whod you bang
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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