Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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