I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
