I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
