Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
