he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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