i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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