So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I look better un-naked...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
