My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
