They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
