I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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