You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
