I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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