All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
