Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i came on her dog
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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