i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
