I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
