Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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