He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
