i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
