Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
