dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
