her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
