dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
