I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
