How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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