I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
